Yoga and Sacred Sex Transform Sexual Assault Trauma
With sexual assault cases very present in the media, trauma is being reactivated in those who have had similar experiences. You see, trauma never really goes away. In order to function in the world, those who experience trauma learn self-soothing techniques. The bodies’ natural response is to tense up, hold the breath, avoid what activates the past trauma or go numb. Fortunately, there is another way to transform these unpleasant responses. Sexual assault trauma can become lighter to carry with Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy and by embodying sacred sexuality.
In the U.S., one in three women and one in six men experience some form of contact sexual violence in their lifetime. Working as a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist and Sacred Sexuality Educator in tandem for many years, individuals who were sexually assaulted by family members, a spouse or as date rape, have sought me out for assistance. According to a recent Huffington Post article entitled, 30 Alarming Statistics that Show the Reality of Sexual Violence in America, "Every 98 seconds someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. That means every single day more than 570 people experience sexual violence in this country." In my private practice and in discussion with doctors, sex therapists and other colleagues, sadly, this statistic appears to be very accurate.
These clients come to me because they are experiencing challenges with relationships and/or in their personal or professional life. Concerns reported include an internal struggle with forgiving the abuser or the parent who did not protect them, numbness in pelvis, an over active sex life, serious addiction, sexual confusion, low self esteem, lack of desire for sex or not feeling fulfilled professionally. Some express these concerns, but no memory of abuse. They have a suspicion that the memories may be repressed or that the abuse may have happened to them when they were a baby.
So many are practicing yoga these days. Emotions can surface in intense poses like pigeon, camel or during relaxation, like child’s pose or savasana (corpse pose). Emotions can also rise when a student is assisted by their instructor using touch. Yoga instructors also tune into the emotional needs of their class and may say something that awakes bottled up feelings. Many of you are probably nodding that you have had surprise emotional releases in the yoga classes you have attended. Yoga class is a great place to begin to open up. Those who have experienced traumas like sexual assault may have contracted their body to protect themselves. When these muscles are encouraged to let go of this holding in a safe setting, the trauma is released, often as a memory or as a feeling.
When this happens in yoga class, it’s best to allow the release rather than hold it in. You may need to leave class to do that.
When an emotional release occurs…
~Settle your breath and the potential anxiety using nadi shodrasana (alternate nostril breathing) or 3 part yogic breathing. (See my book Lighter: Living Tantrafor instructions).
~A very simple taoist breathing technique is to hold your breath, then release it slowly. This stimulates the vagus nerve, which runs along the muscles between the ribs, to tonify and promote relaxation.
~If disassociating (leaving your body, which can present as brain fog or as if you are floating above yourself), hold onto something solid. Bring your awareness to your feet. I imagine I have the feet of an elephant and chant Om Nama Ganesha.
~You can also stand (or sit) with legs apart, palms on thighs and imagine your body is 75% in the Earth. This is a simplified version of Qigong Standing Meditation and can help to bring you back to Earth.
~Remind yourself that you are in the present moment. You are not in the past. You are safe and capable of protecting yourself now.
~Trust that the episode will pass. If this is not the first time, you know that it passes.
Since this can be a very vulnerable experience, yoga students and practitioners often want to explore the trauma in a private setting. In our sessions, clients have an opportunity to create an intention. What they would like to experience in their lives. Common intentions are “to experience peace”, “to enjoy sex with my partner”, “to explore the trauma so I can feel confident to make a fulfilling job change”. We don’t dwell too much on the past. According to yoga philosophy, there is much to gain by remaining in the present. With this guidance, clients come into presence and explore what they are feeling both physically and emotionally. We give attention to the sensations calling the loudest using breath, awareness and movement. Clients who have experienced sexual assault express feeling tension in places like the neck and shoulders, the upper chest (heart and throat chakras) or the solar plexus…their center of identity and joy. How a client holds trauma varies from individual to individual. Clients guide the movement that feels best to release this tension. As a witness, I offer assists and support with client centered dialog and reflection.
Clients find this somatic modality that links the mind, body and spirit, to be very effective. They can experience a profound shift in how they are feeling physically, emotionally and spiritually from just one session. Clients often report feeling lighter and more able to move forward in their lives.
Because of it’s effectiveness, I recommend this modality to all our clients who are embarking on a transformational journey. Many contact me to learn sacred sexuality. What we have found is that since sacred sexuality practices open the chakra system and can evoke a transformational journey, Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy, offers one on one support as you go through the inevitable life changes ahead.
With sexual assault trauma, it can be helpful to relearn sex. What better way to relearn it than in a sacred way. Once introduced to this way of healing, those who have experienced sexual abuse appreciate the gentle approach to sexuality. Those who practice sacred sexuality use clear loving communication before engaging in consensual sexual activity. Even with communication and a slower, sacred and honoring approach to the grand finally of a full body orgasm, sacred sexuality is designed to be super sexy. It’s like revisiting foreplay as an adult, complete with ambiance, sensual fabrics, scents, erotic moves and more!
What a powerful combination…transforming the sexual trauma while reeducating oneself and one’s partner to have sacred consensual and creative sex!
There is no need to stay caught up in the story and retelling it. That only reactivates the trauma. Instead, transform it and learn to love and be loved in sacred ways.
References:
National Sexual Violence Resource Center https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics
The Huffington Post https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sexual-assault-statistics_us_58e24c...
Haines, Staci, Cleis Press, San Francisco, CA. (1999, 2007). Healing Sex: A Mind Body Approach to Healing
Michelle Chalfant, M.S., L.P.C., C.H.C., M.H.T. (2018). Healing Trauma in your Adult Chair podcast 97